Monday, October 19, 2009

What would YOU Do?

So a while back a friend of mine told me that he was "involved" with his boss, in a romantic way. The FIRST thing I told him "Don't shit where you eat". Needless to say, he didn't listen. So NOW....He has all this drama in his life, that sucks for him because he was...err, ummm...IS really good at his job. The story goes like this....

A few months ago his boss started "flirting" with him, she's also the owner of the place he works. She's married (yikes) and he's single. Anyway they have been doing this whole "sexting" thing, you know...where you get all freaky in text, nasty shit and the pictures to go with it. As far as physical contact, he sort of denies it, but it's obvious there's been contact. I'm thinking like wild sex one night, then the next day they were both like, maybe if we don't talk about it, it never happened...ya know?

Well over time, I guess she became all weird and possessive and started treating him like a boyfriend at work, instead of treating him like an employee. Sorry ladies but we all know you go fucking mental over guys and can't EVER keep shit separate. Anyway, he was dealing with her being all chick-ish at work and decided to tell her that he wanted to stop the whole thing....YEA, I KNOW...big mistake....sorry ladies but we all know you go mental over shit like that as well, please don't go all "no I don't" on me, because YOU DO! So he attempts to break it off, or at the very least, put it on the back burner because she obviously couldn't keep work and personal separate. Well it's no secret what happened next, even the chicks reading this right now KNOW she didn't handle it KNOW I'm right.

So in the wake of him telling her he wanted to stop, or put it on hold, or slow down, or whatever, some really unpleasant shit has flowed his way. First she came up with some random, off the wall sexual harassment of another employee thing, when he showed PROOF that she was lying, she went into this whole forced time off thing and now, apparently, he's unemployed or gonna be transferred, or is in limbo. He was a stellar employee for his company, never did anything wrong from what I understand, and now...because a chick is a chick...he's out of work.

He stopped by today to look for options, unfortunately I don't hire friends and I keep my work shit separate from my personal shit at ALL times. I feel kinda bad for him because I know for a fact he was awesome at what he did. So now on to my question of the day... he tells me today that he has all of these naked pictures of her and some really explicit text. He said he is going to send the pictures to EVERYONE he can think of. To the corporate office of the company, to her husband, to employees, and apparently her husband has been in the news recently for something or other and he even wants to send the pictures and text to the news. Basically anyone that knows or has heard of this chick is about to see her naked and read her dirty little fantasies. I laughed when he told me, but I'm an asshole and I'd probably do the same thing if I were in his shoes and was fucked over by a chick being a chick. He was all should totally blog about this, so here I am.

My question is....would YOU do what he's planning to do?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I'm In A Mood....Deal With It!

And I feel like ranting, it's my blog and I'll do what the fuck I like...GOT IT!

A. Bad Drivers. I don't care about your race. I don't care if you're male or female. If you have a license, just learn how to fucking drive. It's really not that difficult, people. Green means go. Yellow means "slow down". Yellow does NOT mean SLAM ON YOUR FUCKING BREAKS with three cars behind you. If one more person does this to me, so help me I will not only not stop, but I will gun my engine and purposely smash into you. Repeatedly. And I will make sure to decapitate your stupid Oakland A's bobble-head in the process. Now, a red light means STOP - but I know this can be a bit tricky. Try real hard to stop BEFORE YOU ENTER THE INTERSECTION. Here's a little hint: If the car AHEAD of you is blocking the intersection, pulling up behind that car probably isn't the brightest idea. If you end up sitting in the middle of the intersection, blocking cross-traffic ... it's open season on you, my friend. Anyone who's had "one of those days" should be free to ram your stupid, gridlock-creating, worthless ass at will.

B. Cell-Phone Abusers. Look, I have one. It's convenient. But there is a time and a place. It's called common sense. Let me break it down for you. Ask yourself these questions: Am I watching a movie? Am I eating in a decent restaurant? Am I driving? If the answer is yes, don't even THINK of flipping that fucking phone. And turn off or change your stupid-assclown Beethoven's 5th polyphonic ring-tone. Nobody thinks you are sophisticated, or smart. Quite the contrary, we all think you're a complete douchbag, and sincerely want to slowly stab you in the eye with a fork.

C. Not so much a problem for me anymore, but nonetheless...Chatty Taxi Drivers. Just shut the fuck up and DRIVE already. Really, there is no need for you to even speak to me. I tell you where I want to go. You drive there. The little meter tells me how much I owe you when we arrive. Absolutely no need for conversation. A little tip: When I haven't responded to your repeated attempts at "small talk" - might be a pretty good indication I'm not interested in talking with you. If you continue to talk, don't be surprised when I reach through the Plexiglas opening and choke you out with my forearm.

5. Complicated Coffee Order-ers....FUCK I HATE THESE PEOPLE.. I know you think it's really "hip" to order a "triple, no foam soy latte with one pump of sugar-free vanilla swirled" in a green cup and with a insulator and 2 straws -- but get over your fucking self already. It's coffee, not a five course meal.

6. Chain Email forwarders. DUDE, SERIOUSLY?!?!. I think you are an idiot. I think I want to ram my keyboard through your teeth, those chain-emails that instruct me to "forward 7 times, and the one I love will come back" -- those are even better. Those are fantastic. Next time you send me one of those, how about I just smash your face with my stapler 7 times, and see if you come back?