Wednesday, June 30, 2010

C U Next Tuesday

I can't believe I'm even going to post about this, but here I am....

My blog is mostly made up of random, useless shit that comes to mind at any given time. I don't plan when I'm going to post and sometimes I go a month without anything. If you like it...COOL! If you don't...COOL! I don't really give a fuck on way or another. I'm not here to be your personal entertainment.

Now on any given post I receive "comments" and I will publish EVERY SINGLE COMMENT unless you're the DOUCHE who likes to leave an "anonymous" comment or a "guess who" comment, or a "you know who I am" comment talking shit and trying to highjack my blog. If you want to bash me or what I write...Hook it up, but have the SACK to put your name on it, don't hide like a bitch. If you want to tell me that I suck, or my posts are shit, or you hate my guts...COOL!! Just know that your comment gets deleted UNLESS it has a name on it. I DID leave the comment that got me to do this post, though. It was published on my "Eggs" post...Some douche nozzle felt the need to tell me they hate my guts, but left their name as "guess who" I have a pretty large fan base, so to guess only ONE person who hates me would take wayyyyy too much effort. Next time don't be a toe rag and leave your name, ok cupcake! It's hard to be this damn good and not have someone hate you're not special, you're just in a long line of those who came before you. And now you have your very own post on Randy's blog, so please come in and sign your name...I've just made you famous!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Effin Eggs!!

Ok...So I must say that I am an excellent cook. I love to cook and I have a large variety of items that I am very good at preparing. I actually prefer to cook for myself, rather than eat out. I consider cooking to be one of my little known talents. Seriously.....I'm a great freakin cook!!

Here's my dilemma. My Achilles heel. My fucking nemesis....EGGS!!! I can't make eggs to save my life. I have tried and tried and tried and just cannot make a fucking egg of ANY sort, other than scrambled. Eggs are my kitchen kryptonite.

My frustration hit an all time high this morning. I have been on a fairly strict diet and have been doing really well. This morning granola, oatmeal, fruit...I just wasn't feelin' it. I had some organic eggs I bought for cooking and REALLY wanted an omelet.

As I stood there and pondered my doom, I was completely set on eating an omelet for breakfast and would not be denied. So I began......It all went really well until halfway through. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET THE RUNNY EGGS ON TOP TO FUCKING COOK???? I poked and prodded and begged for those damn eggs to show me some mercy and cook, but they taunted me and stayed runny while the bottom was starting to brown. So I decided to flip it over....FUCK ME!!! it broke all to shit and didn't even resemble an omelet by the time I flipped the spatula. So I added the tomatoes and green peppers and scraped it out of the pan and had me a nice hot mess for breakfast.

I left for work feeling so incomplete. The EFFIN EGGS got me again. And I KNOW those little bastards are sitting home in my refrigerator right now laughing their little egg asses off at me. I hate EFFIN EGGS!!!!!!!