Friday, June 11, 2010

Effin Eggs!!

Ok...So I must say that I am an excellent cook. I love to cook and I have a large variety of items that I am very good at preparing. I actually prefer to cook for myself, rather than eat out. I consider cooking to be one of my little known talents. Seriously.....I'm a great freakin cook!!

Here's my dilemma. My Achilles heel. My fucking nemesis....EGGS!!! I can't make eggs to save my life. I have tried and tried and tried and just cannot make a fucking egg of ANY sort, other than scrambled. Eggs are my kitchen kryptonite.

My frustration hit an all time high this morning. I have been on a fairly strict diet and have been doing really well. This morning granola, oatmeal, fruit...I just wasn't feelin' it. I had some organic eggs I bought for cooking and REALLY wanted an omelet.

As I stood there and pondered my doom, I was completely set on eating an omelet for breakfast and would not be denied. So I began......It all went really well until halfway through. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET THE RUNNY EGGS ON TOP TO FUCKING COOK???? I poked and prodded and begged for those damn eggs to show me some mercy and cook, but they taunted me and stayed runny while the bottom was starting to brown. So I decided to flip it over....FUCK ME!!! it broke all to shit and didn't even resemble an omelet by the time I flipped the spatula. So I added the tomatoes and green peppers and scraped it out of the pan and had me a nice hot mess for breakfast.

I left for work feeling so incomplete. The EFFIN EGGS got me again. And I KNOW those little bastards are sitting home in my refrigerator right now laughing their little egg asses off at me. I hate EFFIN EGGS!!!!!!!

6 comments:

Nik said...

LMAO This is some funny shit, so funny I had to share your egg trauma with one of the guys I work with. I can't make omelets either, but I'm content w/hot mess breakfast. The guy I work with wants me to tell you to lower the heat and put a lid on the pan, that should cook the runny tops.

Anonymous said...

Randy, the key is low heat & room temperature eggs. It doesn't take much to cook an egg. Scramble 3 eggs in a bowl add a little milk if you want them fluffier. Make sure your skillet is coated I use butter. When your eggs start to set a little use a plastic spatula one normally uses for baking and pull the egg that's setting on the bottom a little bit into the middle as you tilt the pan this allows the running yolk to run to the exposed skillet bottom and unstick the bottom run the spatula all around before its set & firm. Add your ingredients in the middle don't add cheese until your almost done. Then flip it in half. I myself cannot eat scrambled eggs because they're so dry and I like my veggies sauteed so I do them first add the egg and just make a big scrambled mess top it with cheese and grab a fork I like hot messes better than a dry omelet with semi raw veggies in the middle.

GREEN is the new color of love! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Randy said...

If I had to guess someone who hates me...I'd be here all week, my fan club is pretty large. No idea who you are.

Leah said...

also make sure you have a large non stick shallow pan that helps. funny shit tho....

Renee said...

"And I KNOW those little bastards are sitting home in my refrigerator right now laughing their little egg asses off at me."

I think I just peed a little. LMFAO!

Eggs take some practice. One thinks they should be easy, but to get them RIGHT, it takes practice and patience. I suck at patience, but it has paid off. I can finally make over-easy eggs just like gramma :-)