Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Big 40

So I am sitting here thinking WOW in less than a month I'll be 40. FOUR ZERO!!! I just can't fathom being 40 years old. I still feel 25, I'm told I look significantly younger than I am, I still get carded. I just don't FEEL 40.

Looking back, I remember thinking, no way I'll ever be THAT old. Some of the stunts I pulled in my youthful years I was told, you'll never see 40 if you keep that up. I went to war while in the military and was afraid, I want to see 40. So now here I am....21 days away from my 40th birthday and all I can think is...where the hell did 39 years go?

I think reconnecting with so many friends from my past has really opened my eyes to the fact that we're all getting older. I am thankful for such good genes and the ability to NOT look or feel my age, unlike some others....Some of you haven't aged well at all LMAO I still got love for ya though. Hey, this is my blog and I can say you look like 10 miles of bad road if I want to....At least I didn't name any of you.

In my honest opinion, age is just a number anyway. What matters is how you FEEL. So to all of us out there pushing 40 or have passed 40, here's to us! We still got it. Don't let anyone make you feel less. The haters are just mad 'cause they can't look THIS good HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Here's to my awesome kids...Dominic 16, Brooke & Gabrielle 13. My Dad who is still alive & well at 65 and all of my friends & family who have put up with all of my shit for 40 years and still tell me they love me and are proud of me. To my job that has taken care of me and dealt with me and still wants me running things after 14 years, and even after I piss off their customer....regularly! I love you all.

RANDY NOV 1970
Randy Age 2

RANDY NOV 2009
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Monday, October 19, 2009

What would YOU Do?

So a while back a friend of mine told me that he was "involved" with his boss, in a romantic way. The FIRST thing I told him "Don't shit where you eat". Needless to say, he didn't listen. So NOW....He has all this drama in his life, that sucks for him because he was...err, ummm...IS really good at his job. The story goes like this....

A few months ago his boss started "flirting" with him, she's also the owner of the place he works. She's married (yikes) and he's single. Anyway they have been doing this whole "sexting" thing, you know...where you get all freaky in text, nasty shit and the pictures to go with it. As far as physical contact, he sort of denies it, but it's obvious there's been contact. I'm thinking like wild sex one night, then the next day they were both like, maybe if we don't talk about it, it never happened...ya know?

Well over time, I guess she became all weird and possessive and started treating him like a boyfriend at work, instead of treating him like an employee. Sorry ladies but we all know you go fucking mental over guys and can't EVER keep shit separate. Anyway, he was dealing with her being all chick-ish at work and decided to tell her that he wanted to stop the whole thing....YEA, I KNOW...big mistake....sorry ladies but we all know you go mental over shit like that as well, please don't go all "no I don't" on me, because YOU DO! So he attempts to break it off, or at the very least, put it on the back burner because she obviously couldn't keep work and personal separate. Well it's no secret what happened next, even the chicks reading this right now KNOW she didn't handle it well...you KNOW I'm right.

So in the wake of him telling her he wanted to stop, or put it on hold, or slow down, or whatever, some really unpleasant shit has flowed his way. First she came up with some random, off the wall sexual harassment of another employee thing, when he showed PROOF that she was lying, she went into this whole forced time off thing and now, apparently, he's unemployed or gonna be transferred, or is in limbo. He was a stellar employee for his company, never did anything wrong from what I understand, and now...because a chick is a chick...he's out of work.

He stopped by today to look for options, unfortunately I don't hire friends and I keep my work shit separate from my personal shit at ALL times. I feel kinda bad for him because I know for a fact he was awesome at what he did. So now on to my question of the day... he tells me today that he has all of these naked pictures of her and some really explicit text. He said he is going to send the pictures to EVERYONE he can think of. To the corporate office of the company, to her husband, to employees, and apparently her husband has been in the news recently for something or other and he even wants to send the pictures and text to the news. Basically anyone that knows or has heard of this chick is about to see her naked and read her dirty little fantasies. I laughed when he told me, but I'm an asshole and I'd probably do the same thing if I were in his shoes and was fucked over by a chick being a chick. He was all like...you should totally blog about this, so here I am.

My question is....would YOU do what he's planning to do?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I'm In A Mood....Deal With It!

And I feel like ranting, it's my blog and I'll do what the fuck I like...GOT IT!


A. Bad Drivers. I don't care about your race. I don't care if you're male or female. If you have a license, just learn how to fucking drive. It's really not that difficult, people. Green means go. Yellow means "slow down". Yellow does NOT mean SLAM ON YOUR FUCKING BREAKS with three cars behind you. If one more person does this to me, so help me I will not only not stop, but I will gun my engine and purposely smash into you. Repeatedly. And I will make sure to decapitate your stupid Oakland A's bobble-head in the process. Now, a red light means STOP - but I know this can be a bit tricky. Try real hard to stop BEFORE YOU ENTER THE INTERSECTION. Here's a little hint: If the car AHEAD of you is blocking the intersection, pulling up behind that car probably isn't the brightest idea. If you end up sitting in the middle of the intersection, blocking cross-traffic ... it's open season on you, my friend. Anyone who's had "one of those days" should be free to ram your stupid, gridlock-creating, worthless ass at will.

B. Cell-Phone Abusers. Look, I have one. It's convenient. But there is a time and a place. It's called common sense. Let me break it down for you. Ask yourself these questions: Am I watching a movie? Am I eating in a decent restaurant? Am I driving? If the answer is yes, don't even THINK of flipping that fucking phone. And turn off or change your stupid-assclown Beethoven's 5th polyphonic ring-tone. Nobody thinks you are sophisticated, or smart. Quite the contrary, we all think you're a complete douchbag, and sincerely want to slowly stab you in the eye with a fork.

C. Not so much a problem for me anymore, but nonetheless...Chatty Taxi Drivers. Just shut the fuck up and DRIVE already. Really, there is no need for you to even speak to me. I tell you where I want to go. You drive there. The little meter tells me how much I owe you when we arrive. Absolutely no need for conversation. A little tip: When I haven't responded to your repeated attempts at "small talk" - might be a pretty good indication I'm not interested in talking with you. If you continue to talk, don't be surprised when I reach through the Plexiglas opening and choke you out with my forearm.

5. Complicated Coffee Order-ers....FUCK I HATE THESE PEOPLE.. I know you think it's really "hip" to order a "triple, no foam soy latte with one pump of sugar-free vanilla swirled" in a green cup and with a insulator and 2 straws -- but get over your fucking self already. It's coffee, not a five course meal.

6. Chain Email forwarders. DUDE, SERIOUSLY?!?!. I think you are an idiot. I think I want to ram my keyboard through your teeth, those chain-emails that instruct me to "forward 7 times, and the one I love will come back" -- those are even better. Those are fantastic. Next time you send me one of those, how about I just smash your face with my stapler 7 times, and see if you come back?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

OMG I laughed so hard on this that I think I broke something. HAHAHAHAHA

fail owned pwned pictures
see more Fail Blog

Friday, August 14, 2009

Blog-er-ific

What's up peeps?! So I haven't blogged in a while and there's a multitude of reasons why. None of which really matter but what the hell, I'm gonna say 'em anyway.

I've been really busy, like no time in the day and when I do get time, I just wanna chill.

I've connected with a TON of old friends on Facebook and have shared story after story there and by the time blogging time rolls around, I got nuthin!

My evil, nasty, vile, ex wife checks up on me thru several outlets. I've blocked her on everything except for my blog. She's a freak and uses everything I say for her benefit. I dislike her so much, I kinda understand why OJ did it! HYPOTHETICALLY!!

My blog is listed on my myspace and facebook, so any of my friends can simply link to it. Now while I really don't care what people think about me, I'm having mixed feelings about being myself on my blog with the chance somebody with high, upstanding morals may read it and be offended....somebody I like and care about. We all know how I occasionally cut loose on here. Some people don't know that Randy.

I'm going to find a safe medium and get back to it. Then again I may just tell the safe medium to bite me and continue to do what I do when I want to do it....either way, it's time to re-kick start this bad ass blog and get back at it. Until then....CELEBRATE BITCHES, CELEBRATE!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Simply Classic...

Ok so I stumbled upon a comedy last month that I have now seen 5 times. It's, hands down, the funniest movie I've seen since SuperBad. It rapidly made it's way to my top 10 movies EVER. The Hangover is the #1 movie of 2009, hands down! If you haven't seen it, GO SEE IT, you'll be glad you did. My bachelor party was CLASSIC, in fact, it was the best part of my marriage...HOWEVER, if I ever get married again, THIS is exactly how I want my bachelor party to end up. Here's some clips...





Sunday, July 5, 2009

Great Big Globs Of Greasy, Grimy, Gopher Guts...

Dear Mound Makers,

Look, I am keenly aware that you were here prior to me buying the house. I am also aware that you were here before the house was built. This land is your land, I get that.

The thing is that I'm stressed out about you taking over my lawn. I don't give a mole's ass if you come up for air in the nooks and crannies of my yard. They're yours. But, please, for the sake of your well being, leave my lawn alone.

I've researched several solutions to our co-habitation challenge: however, experts agree that the only real solution is your complete, painful and immediate demise. I do have a trap out in the shed, in fact, it came with the house. I don't know if you or your friends have seen these things,they're terrifying. I'd be happy to show it to you if you'd like. I'll leave it by the large dirt mound (the one you favor) on my front lawn. Don't worry, I won't set it...THIS TIME; it's simply for display and educational purposes. Go ahead, touch it, get a feel for it. You know, I'll even leave a latte next to it so you can ponder your decision in comfort.

I'm hoping we can work this out in a civil fashion, and so, I would appreciate a meeting of the minds with those in charge. Yes, take me to your leader,the decision maker. Perhaps we can agree to a homeopathic solution; one that won't cause you any harm or discomfort or agonizing pain.

Please consider my offer and respond accordingly.

Civilly yours, THIS TIME

Property Owner

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

My Apologies

So I've been CRAZY busy at work lately and by the time I get home, I'm just not in the "blogging" mood...That's my excuse!

Hopefully in a week or so, things will settle down and I can get back to it. I actually have a list with about 11 topics I need to rant about, so it's not lack of material...It's lack of motivation after working 12-14 hrs a day. Hang in there, I'll shake the funk SOON!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Publishing TIFF

So my friend TIFF, who fully expects to be published on my blog, by the way, sent me this link today. Obviously she knows me pretty well because I LOVE this link! I couldn't agree with this guy more. Everything he writes here is EXACTLY how I feel about these various "fashion" fuck ups! So if you're offended....tough titty said the kitty when the milk ran dry.

And if you're an adult who wears crocs....go slam your head in a door RIGHT NOW!

HERE'S THE LINK...CLICK IT, DUMMY!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Too EFFIN Funny!!

These 2 videos are HILARIOUS!! For all you douchebags out there, these are for you!

WATCH BOTH VIDEOS



Friday, May 15, 2009

DOUBLE HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!



Sunday, May 10, 2009

Zach Bonner = AWESOME!!

I don't often copy world news into my blog and share it, but this HAD to be shared. It's a story about an 11 year old boy who is, in my eyes, a hero!


Florida boy, 11, walking to D.C. for homeless kids
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TAMPA, Fla. – At age 11, Zach Bonner has already walked farther and done more for charity than many grown-ups.

Now he's about to make good on his vow to walk more than 1,200 miles from Tampa to Washington to bring attention to the plight of homeless kids in the United States.

The boy with the spiky red hair came up with the idea in 2007, then hiked nearly 300 miles from his home near Tampa to the state capital, Tallahassee. Last year, he walked another 270 miles or so from Tallahassee to Atlanta.

On Monday he'll set out for the final and most demanding leg of the journey, well over 600 miles from Atlanta to Washington. He figures it'll take about two months.

Zach expects to cover around 11 miles a day. Along the way, he'll collect donations and letters from people urging President Barack Obama to take more action to alleviate homelessness among children. He's contacted the White House about meeting with Obama, but has yet to hear back.

"I just decided I wanted to do something big," the soft-spoken fifth-grader said earlier this week.

Zach became a local celebrity of sorts at age 7 when he pulled his red wagon around his neighborhood collecting bottled water and food for victims of Hurricane Charley, which hit Florida in August 2004. He ended up sending 27 pickup truck loads of stuff.

Once he started helping people, especially kids, he couldn't stop. He put together and distributed about 1,200 backpacks full of toiletries, food and other necessities for homeless kids. Now he even has his own registered nonprofit charity, the Little Red Wagon Foundation Inc.

"My plan is to help as many kids as I can, have fun and keep it simple," he says on the Web site, http://www.LittleRedWagonFoundation.com.

President George W. Bush found out about Zach's work and gave him a Presidential Call to Service Award during a Tampa visit in 2006. Standing beside Air Force One, Bush shook the boy's hand and told him how proud he was.

Zach said he was inspired by a TV program about a peace activist named Mildred Norman, known as "The Peace Pilgrim," who walked back and forth across the country for 28 years. That's when the idea for the "My House to the White House" walk came to him.

"He told everybody before I had a chance to say no," said his mom, Laurie. "It's just him. It's who he is."

His long walk during summer vacation isn't expected to interfere with school.

A Tampa RV dealership is donating use of a motor home that Zach will sleep in and his mom will drive. His 21-year-old sister, Kelley, will be in a red Volkswagen Beetle decorated with the logo of his foundation. He'll try to get campground space and meals donated along the way. The trip is budgeted at $6,000.

The nonprofit Philanthropy Project has a film crew following Zach, too, and plans to make a movie about his life. British rock legend Elton John counts himself among Zach's fans and has pledged $25,000 to the boy's charity if he finishes the trek.

Staying away from the interstate highways, Zach's sojourn will take him through Greenville, S.C., Raleigh, N.C., and Richmond, Va. His progress will be charted on a Web site, http://www.zachtracker.com.

Once he gets to Washington around July 9, Zach will participate in activities at the Sasha Bruce House, an emergency shelter for homeless youth that Obama visited for a day of service before his inauguration in January. Some of the money Zach is raising will benefit the shelter.

"I'm excited," he said. "A little nervous, but pretty much excited."

By MITCH STACY, Associated Press Writer Mitch Stacy, Associated Press Writer – Fri May 8, 12:19 pm ET

Monday, May 4, 2009

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Totally!!!

So my friend Tiff always send me some good shit in email, she's one of those people I can always count on for some quality vulgarity and otherwise offensive material. I totally cherish her mail.

So today I get an email from Tiff and she attached a video. Now when I opened the email Tiff wrote...

"ok, you know its bad when my friends know what youre like.... read below..."

So I scrolled down and her friend Marla sent her the video first and Marla wrote to Tiff...

"fipp, this reminds me of something your friend randy would do..."

So I'm like what the HELL?!?! And I'm chuckling because (A) It's cool that someone I have never met or spoken to had a moment of Randy in her head and (B) Because I absolutely know that whatever it is, It's totally gonna kick ass! So I opened the video and this is what played.......



Now I have to admit, not only have I already played that commercial in my head every time some new shit comes out that I have to go buy, but also every time I have to connect that new shit and learn how to use it...Only to not need it at all and barely use it. Not only that, but it's EXACTLY how I would do a commercial, If I had the power LOL...WORD FOR WORD!!!! So Marla was right LOL. Big up's to my friend Tiff and my new friend, Marla...Good lookin Out!!