Sunday, November 30, 2008

All Movies...All The Time!!

So I figured I'd share a pretty awesome link with everyone...

It's a place where one can go to see popular movies still in theaters, in the comfort of your home. There are different channels, so surf around, learn the commands and watch something you've been wanting to see.

Recently I watched Transporter 3, Eagle Eye, Babylon AD, and Pineapple Express. It kicks ass so check it out and remember who sent you, you can thank me later LOL.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

I have to say that I had a GREAT Thanksgiving this year and I hope you did too.

A group of friends and I decided to spend Thanksgiving together. Most of us have family in other states and we weren't able to be with them, so what better way to celebrate than together. There were 12 of us. Us guys had a football game this morning. That game was more fun than I've had in several years. Melissa, Jen, and Amanda did an AWESOME job on the food. We all got Thanksgiving the way WE wanted it. I'm a traditional Thanksgiving guy...I like my turkey cooked in the oven for hours. Real mashed potatoes with brown turkey gravy, the jelly cranberry sauce from a can (i love that shit), green bean casserole, and peach cobbler...I got it all and was even introduced to some new stuff. We also deep fried a turkey (we had 3 turkeys) and I thought that was really good, the whole crunchy skin thing kicked ass. Melissa made the BEST peach cobbler I've ever had (sorry Mom & Grandma) and I even had a piece of pumpkin pie (a very small piece) The ladies really outdid themselves with all the food. There was literally enough for 50 people and after we ate, made a plate to take home, there was still enough for 30 people. The ladies then packed the food up and took it to a nearby shelter where they were very appreciative. The guys? Well we contributed to aerating Jen's lawn (football works wonders) and breaking in Jen's furniture while we watched football all day long. Jen's refrigerator door was a bit unused, so all the retrieval of beer helped make that door work like a champ. We did our part.

So I want to let it be known that I am thankful this year for such great friends. I had a Thanksgiving that I will never forget, literally the best one I've had in many years. I hope everyone else out there had a day that was not only as awesome but as rewarding as mine. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


So in my random things I like post, I happened to mention Melissa's feet. Aside from all the "you have a foot fetish" email I got....Melissa calls me and says "After all this time, you finally post a blog that involves me, and instead of my show the world my feet" So as to not ignite her Irish temper.......

Everyone, meet Melissa...Melissa meet everyone

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

5 Random Things I Like

Melissa's Feet. I don't have a foot fetish, per say. It's this thing with Melissa's black polish....her feet are sexy!

Fritos ORIGINAL. They are my crack cocaine and my home is NEVER without a bag.

My Dr. Grip pens. They are the ONLY pens I'll use. I don't even touch other pens. These are the BEST pens, EVER!!

RedBox! I use Netflix but it's mainly for the TV Series and Documentaries. RedBox is the shiznit! $1 for new release movies and you can get them at MIDNIGHT on Tuesday right when they come out and 10 hours before the video store opens, if you want to.

Pumpkin Pie Coffee Creamer. I hate that it's only seasonal and I always buy a bunch of it right after Halloween and Before January just so I have a few weeks of it to last LOL.

Monday, November 24, 2008


Ok so after dinner last night, some friends suggested we go check out something called Body Worlds 3. I had never heard of it so my immediate reaction was....sounds reeeeeal exciting in my most condescending voice possible. Everyone kinda tripped out that I didn't know what it was and all of a sudden it became this top secret location that I HAD to see. Reluctantly.....I got dragged along for what I was SURE was going to be a painfully boring night......

When we arrive, everyone is trying to keep me from reading about it or knowing about it. Trying hard to keep me in the dark, so to speak. From what I gathered before was basically some exhibit about the human body.....yada, yada, yada. I KNEW it was going to SUCK and I was a bit annoyed that I got dragged into it. So not knowing anymore than it's an anatomy class that retards pay for...I went in.


So inside there are these....ummm....BODIES!! Posed in different poses doing different shit, that's not the point. The point is...THESE ARE REAL HUMAN BODIES!!! Like REAL dead people....with NO SKIN....DEAD PEOPLE WITH NO SKIN....POSING!!!!

At the first "exhibit" I had a total Jeff Spicoli moment..OHHHHHH GNARLY!!! The whole place was fucking freaky and I don't freak easily. But this place was filled with REAL skinless dead people posing like regular people. I don't even go into hospitals because it's too close to death. This place was like the morgue on steroids and I was totally buggin out. So needless to say, after like 4 bodies, I BAILED and waited outside. All I could feel was death creeping into me, like if I breathe too heavily, death might crawl down my throat. The ONLY place on earth that scares me is the hospital because hospitals have dead or close to dead people in them and death just lurks in the hallways...this fucking place skipped right past hiding and the skinless dead reaper people were trying to get I got the hell outta Dodge!!

It was cold last night but I STILL drove all the way home with the windows down. And the shower I took when I got home coulda cleaned the rust off of a 80 year screw. Needless to say my friends and especially Melissa KNEW that shit would freak me out and because I torture my friends with practical jokes...this made their millennium. I still feel dead people on my skin today and it AINT cool. So laugh it up guys....Payback is a BITCH!!!

I didn't take these pics. I didn't know I would even be at this place and even had I known I never woulda stuck around long enough to take pictures....but this is EXACTLY what was inside this freakshow of skinless dead people place.






Sunday, November 23, 2008

5 Jams On My iPod Today

I'm just chillin' total recovery mode. iPod is on shuffle and whatever plays.....plays

Metallica - Unforgiven: "tallica" is a must have on my ipod...and in my collection, in general.

Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah: Not sure when this got in there, I think someone may have "planted" it....Still, the song don't suck!

Rage Against The Machine - Calm Like A Bomb:
My favorite band of all time

Sublime - Summertime: I like more of Sublimes underground stuff, but this one aint bad at all.

Pink - Just Like A Pill:
I've always had a thing for Pink...I think she's the shit!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

WTF Just Happened???

Sometimes your world takes a turn for the surreal...

As we stood in the middle of the Albertson's produce section, trying to decide whether $4 was a good deal for 3 undersized tomatoes, she came around the corner. 8 years old, going on 28. She'd left her dad at the end of the snack aisle talking on his cell phone with a cart full of overpriced junk food alternatives. Before I could flash my default "what a cute kid" smile, her hand was on my ass as she proclaimed to the world, "I LIKE BOYS!"

And then just like that....she was gone.

Turning to me in disbelief, my female friend asked, "did you just get felt up by a preschooler?"

Still reeling a little from the incident, I decided to shake off the trauma and we headed to the dairy section for the $6 pumpkin pie coffee creamer. I almost dropped the container when I saw her dad again. still on the phone. And there she was, coming in for a second pass. I couldn't let it happen again. With nowhere else to go, I took refuge behind my female friend. Thankfully that was enough, the kid bailed on the attempt and veered off toward the free samples of toaster strudel, leaving me shamed, bewildered, and cowering behind my 5'tall female friend/bodyguard.

As we warily made our way to the register, I could only think to myself "maybe those child leashes aren't such a bad idea." From now on, I'm going to Smith's. At least I can outrun the 70 year old ladies.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

My Top 5

Some friends and I were in a discussion today and it was all about "our top 5" You know....Female celebs you want to bang LMAO or famous women who are your top 5 hottest. Of course we didn't all agree, and some choices were rather shocking...1 of which was mine but oh's MY top 5 and that's that!! So I figured I'd they are IN ORDER...

#1 Kate Beckinsale

#2 Gwen Stefani

#3 Kate Hudson

#4 Rosario Dawson

#5 Megan Fox

There's 1 female that is hard to leave off the list, but if she were standing with these 5...she'd be picked last....but not least and she is....

Honorable Mention Drew Barrymore

Monday, November 17, 2008

Disaster....That's My Story & I'm Sticking To It!!

So I called into work today and let my Admin Asst. know that I wouldn't be in because I had a "disaster" at my house overnight.

Ok so maybe I embellished a bit....Last night at around 1:30am I hear my doorbell of all things. I wakeup, grab my gun (yea? and?!) and go to the door. It's the little old lady next door and she tells me that water is shooting from beside my place onto her porch and windows. I go out to inspect the claim and sure enough...Broken Water Pipe! It was the main line so I needed to turn the water off at the street, only there's no water cut off at the street, that I could I covered the break with a tarp so it wouldn't spray the little old lady next door, left a message on the emergency maintenance number, put a note on my door to not ring the bell I knew I had a water leak, and went back to bed.

I got up at about 6:30am and went to check the "leak" I now have what I am calling Lake Randy The Great out in the street....I laughed, I don't know why...but I laughed. I went in and called maintenance AGAIN, this time the dude said he'd be right over. At around 7:15 there's a knock at my door and some kid standing there....I say I don't want to subscribe to the newspaper kid, thanks anyway...he goes...I'm the maintenance guy....Why am I not suprised. So I go ok kid....the water needs to be turned off at the main, he goes...where's the main...NICE!!! I ask him if his Dad is around...He goes...My Dad lives in Idaho...Terrific!! So I came over here for a reason, what was it...He goes...You called so I came over....I ask if I tell you to roll over will I need to give you a biscuit? He laughs....I smirk. I tell him...I guess I'll take care of the leak, don't work too hard today and I walk away. I put in a call to the water company's emergency number and immediately get a return call...They are on their way. So I called into work, told them there is a natural disaster and the future of Lake Randy The Great may be in jeopardy and I need to have all my calls and emails forwarded to my phone. A suprise 3-day weekend...I love it!!!

The water company shut the water off. I went to Home Depot and got the parts to fix the pipe. Slapped it all together in about 10 mins, turned the water back on (now that I know where the main is) and VIOLA!!! Nothing to do but chill for the rest of the day...Disaster averted (thanks to my keen plumbing skills) Lake Randy The Great may become Lake Randy The Awesome Ice Rink sometime later today/tonight so it looks like that natural monument will be with us for a while and I have the rest of the day to kick back in my underwear and watch stupid shit on TV....I love the unexpected 3-day weekend!!

Thursday, November 13, 2008


Ok so me and a friend have always had this discussion and he (nor anyone else) can seem to wrap their head around why I think tourettes syndrome is fucking hilarious. Ok so I'm an asshole....I'm cruel and mean....but it's still some funny shit...I mean c'mon....fits of random profanity, out of nowhere twitching and flopping, the always unexpected, loud gruntmoanscream.....It's fucking FUNNY!!!! If I had to have a disease, I'd definitely pick tourettes. Can you imagine a man with tourettes writing a personal ad? I'd go something like this....


I have tourette's syndrome and am prone to breaking out in HORSEHUFFER COCKKOCKER fits of profanity. That aside, I am ASSPLOWER BALLSUCKER still looking for a woman to treat me TITWIGGLING DONGBLASTER right and vice versa.

Do these CLITSLAMMING ASSMASTER ads really work? Just curious....

I'm a JIZZSNACKER COWCOCK 30 something year old white male, with WIENER MASTER QUEEFEATER blue eyes, a sensitive disposition, and good heart.

Please help this MOTORFUCKER POOPIEPANTS brother out?

And that, my friends is why tourettes DEFINITELY goes in the "Things that make Randy Laugh" hall of fame!! You KNOW you laughed so stop hating on me!!

Monday, November 10, 2008

5 Jams On My iPod Today

Offspring - Pretty Fly For A White Guy: Well....Because...I Am!!!!!

AC/DC - Highway To Hell: Reminds Me Of Driving Home When I WAS Married LMAO!!

Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up: For All The White Guys Who Wish They Were Pimps

The Cranberries - Zombie: One of my all time favorite bands with a female lead singer, even though the Cranberries ARE NOT rock.

StereoPhonics - Maybe Tomorrow: Who doesn't like the StereoPhonics?!?!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Insanely AWESOME!!!

Ok so....I was with some friends today and my good friend Mark showed me this INSANE interactive, free game. It's called Hotel 626. OMG it's EF'ING AWESOME!!!

Hotel 626, is an online game where you have to check into this haunted hotel and attempt to escape with no harm. You can only check into Hotel 626 from 8pm-8am, but if you adjust the time on your computer you should be just fine to play anytime. You are also asked to play the game in the dark, using your headphones and a microphone. It's also a first player game, so you really feel like you're there. Now, go ahead and turn the lights off, and plug in your head phones, and prepare to be horrified.

This game is literally taking over the web and making a mark as one of the BEST online games out there....if you're not too scared to give it a go. I played it and it legitimately freaked me out a few times. I'll be a regular because the game KICKS ASS!!! Be afraid...Be VERY afraid!!!


Just another addition in the "Things That Make Randy Laugh" category. I saw this today and began to laugh hysterically.


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

America Got It WRONG!

Ok look...I don't debate politics, like religion all it does is create hard feelings when people disagree. So I'm gonna make my point, do my rant...then I'm over it.

This Presidential election was the biggest joke in American history. 80% of people who voted for Obama did so because "everyone else was doing it" It became this years "hip" and "cool" thing to do. Oh yea....let's vote for Obama because my favorite "actor" on a TV show is doing it...ridiculous!!! I asked 4 people yesterday to give me 5 reasons they think Obama will be a great leader....Not only did everyone fail to name TWO reasons, they ALL said the same thing. Because he's going to change things and not be like Bush. Yea...good reason to vote for him....moron! The African American community voted for his race, not his experience. The White Americans voted for him because it was what all their friends were doing and we know how white America loves to "keep up with the Jones'"

I'm not saying McCain was any better. I'm not anti-Obama. Let me tell you my reasons for NOT voting for Obama......

I'm a military man. I was raised in a military family and I was a member of the military myself. I love America and I feel I'm pretty patriotic and proud of my country. In my opinion America can't have a leader with no military experience, no military background, he's never SERVED his country so how the hell can he LEAD it? Not only does he have NO experience, he is 110% clueless about how the military works. Don't believe some shit with Obama/Military and read on....his ignorance on the defenders of our country is damn near legendary. Furthermore....Obama REFUSES....REFUSES to pledge allegiance to the flag. It's what America is built on. Our flag is who we are. It's carried in EVERY way, shape, and form...think about the American Flag and where you see it and what it means. Obama thinks the American Flag is "pointless" and does not represent "patriotism" Think I'm it!!! Again...The National Anthem, as Americans we know that when it plays, we pay respect. In uniform we salute, out of uniform we cover our heart with our right hand. Obama refuses to honor our National Anthem, instead he merely stands there and waits till it's over...think I'm it, it's even comes with pictures of his disrespect. The little American Flag lapel pin that is worn by EVERY politician and patriot...yea, Obama refuses to wear one, rufuses to be a "a part of that" And now, the position in America that is upheld as the most patriotic position in our country, is held by a man who slaps patriotism in the face and refuses to be a part of it....But it's ok because Oprah voted for him so he must be good.

America wanted change? I'm afraid you're going to get it and probably not like the results. It's amazing how easily people will "follow" instead of thinking for themselves. I've always found it to be WEAK when people do something because others are and not because they know why they are doing it. Colin Powell will not run for know why? Because he thinks he'd win based on the color of his skin. A man who would probably make the best President in history refuses to run because he knows America will not vote for any other reason other than the color of his skin....How right was he? Obama proved that in 1 day!!

Like every other President....America is jazzed about him now and hates him in 4 years....Yeah, you got him elected because it was the cool thing to do and because he's black....Please don't complain when it don't pan out and turns out to be the WORST decision in American history. Next time you hear the National Anthem, look around for a Vet and then walk over to him and spit in his face, rip the flag patch off his uniform and piss on it....It's what you did when you voted for Obama.


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Monday, November 3, 2008

I Can Barely Contain Myself.....

Ok so there are 2 things that for some reason I can't do without. It's like crack addiction, I guess. You know it's no good but you HAVE to have it. The 2 things for me have a dirty mind, I know what you're thinking....ok 3 things, but that's for another blog.....So 2 things, cheesy "B" rated horror movies and any and all martial arts movies!! Seriously, I'll watch ANY horror movie made, no matter how bad it sucks and I'll do the same with martial arts movies. And it's not like I just catch them on cable...No, no, no...I'll browse movie shelves and netflix to get them. I actually work to find these movies. And ya know what? I LOVE em!!!

Ok so....1 of my all time favorite martial arts movies is being remade. The 1985 classic The Last Dragon. I am jazzed beyond belief. Not only is The Last Dragon one of my all time favorite Martial Arts movies but it also holds 1 of my all time favorite movie characters in it....The Shogun Of Harlem - Sho'Nuff (pictured below, with a video clip)


I've learned today that the remake will feature none other than the king of "Motherfucker" Samuel L. Jackson as Sho'Nuff!!! Not only is Sam Jackson freaking AWESOME but now he's playing one of the most awesome movie characters of all time....It just don't get any better than that. You KNOW I'll be in the theater the FIRST night this movie comes out. If you grew up in the 80's and haven't seen The Last must have grown up in a cave!! Rent it, it's soooooo worth it.