So I am lounging around today, slightly hungover, just chillin and channel surfing. I came across some interesting viewing pleasure, that along with my morbid sense of humor and lack of compassion...at times, allowed me to sit for a full 60 minutes completely, and totally glued to the TV. The show was named......ANIMAL ATTACKS!!! Oh yeah!!!
Now I realized that after like the 3rd story, a pattern was developing. First of all these were mainly stories about people who worked and elected to "hang" with said animals....People like the guy who "trains" wild animals for Hollywood movies, people who "perform" with wild animals for show, people who wish to "save" wild animals....you get the picture. Anyway...I noticed a pattern developing. Each story, and I mean EACH story, there was some asshole who was saying...he/she was such a kind and gentle animal, never a problem before, I don't know why this happened. And here I am thinking....BECAUSE YOU'RE FOOD, YOU ASSHOLE!!!!
When a person CHOOSES to hang out in an enviroment where they are no longer the top of the food chain, how can you be shocked when you get eaten? Like the moron who "saves" big cats. Lions, Tigers, Panthers, Cougars, etc.....so 1 day he's holding this lioness....the hunter of the lion species, I might add...by a collar and a chain, she is getting yanked and pulled and ordered by this guy to "obey" then when she turns, looks, and says to herself...look idiot, yank me again and I'm gonna fuck you up....the guy pulls her to turn her and BAM! she jumps on his ass and mauls him. YOU DESERVED IT!!! It was wicked too, the camera guy jumped on top of some wooden box, but the sick bastard kept rolling LMAO...the lioness got finished and she had blood all over her face, the guy laying in a lump, half dead...and she calmly walks away, as if to say....Who's you're daddy!! How can anyone be shocked this happened? Then we have the asshole who decided training grizzly bears for Hollywood was the job for him. here he is with an 8 foot, 2000lb grizzly bear and he's treating it as if it were a runt puppy he found on the street. So he's doing an interview for some news show, the grizzly bear is restless and probably saying...what the fuck am I doing sitting here like a circus seal with this asshole yanking on me and telling me what to do...so the grizzly calmly leans over and bites a chunk out of the guys neck, kills him instantly!! then amongst the horror and screaming...walks away and I swear had a look on his face that said.....Thanks for the appetizer!! Next is the story about the jackass that was an "activist" for the saving of wild grizzly bears in Alaska, he had this popular documentary about his life with the bears. This idiot actually setup camp in the most highly populated area in Alaska where wild grizzly bears hang out..turned on his camera and filmed himself getting close to the bears, naming the bears, acting like a bear, basically everything that screams...IM AN ASSHOLE, PLEASE EAT ME!!! So near the "end" of his journey he decides to bring his girlfriend out with him to show her and the world how "safe" it is....After about a week, nobody heard from him so the Park Rangers went to check on him. They found his campsite destroyed, and his half eaten girlfriend laying dead IN her tent......there was no trace of him whatsoever. Over the next several weeks, Rangers tracked the bears in the area by their shit...yeah, their piles of shit left around the area...and what did they find in 90% of the bear shit laying around? You got it...the dumbass who wanted to "live" with the bears....I mean that's a statement by the bears...they ate ALL of him, then shit him out all over the Alaska Wilderness. If that don't scream STAY THE FUCK OUT...I don't know what does.
I guess in closing, my point being, I have NO SYMPATHY for the idiots who choose to tempt fate and think they can tame or train wild animals. Furthermore, I think when said wild animals attack your ass, I guess you should have thought your life's path out a little better. You don't mess with something that is higher up on the food chain than you are, unless you're ready to get fucked up!! Then WHEN you get eaten, please make sure you have a will telling your friends and family NOT to come on a show named Animals Attacks and go on and on about how you don't understand why this happened. Or he/she was such a loving and kind animal. They are the top of the food chain, and YOU'RE FOOD....leave them alone!!!