March 3, 2008
I need to own my own company or at the very least have a boss that thinks exactly like I do. The thing is, I get a lot of email at work and from numerous people, I get email from our corporate office where the "intelligent" people are supposed to be. What annoys the fuck out of me is the fact that there is a small group of my "superiors" who are illiterate as fuck and it bothers the shit out of me because they make such a big deal out of "working your way up" and "advancing" and just fucking feed you a mouthful of bullshit, the thing is they think they're on a pedestal and you're a fucking ditch digger or something. Sure, I'm a manager at my company...thing is I'm a manager of labor (warehouse) and thus a fucking idiot in the eyes of the suits that "run" the company I work for. Ok back on point......so I get this email today, it's actually been replied to by at least 5 other members of management before I see it. I open the email and all I can see is fucking illiteracy from people who think they're better than the dirty hands people that do the actual work and all I want to do is send a reply like this...........
I'm having a hard time trying to get the point made in this email because it is full of fucking illiteracy. Use the below guidelines and resend this email to me when you fucking idiots can get it right. Until then leave me the fuck alone.
lose - the opposite of win, to misplace something, ONE FUCKING O
loose - the opposite of tight, your mother/wife/sister, TWO FUCKING O's
how can so many people get these two confused? IDIOTS
your - a possessive, similar to mine, his, her as in "your loose slut of a sister loses her mind every time she gets railroaded by your whole inbred, shitbag excuse of a family", NO FUCKING APOSTROPHE
you're - a contraction of "you are", as in "you're a dipshit", A FUCKING APOSTROPHE
its - another possessive, similar to your, NO FUCKING APOSTROPHE
it's - a contraction of "it is", as in 'it's fucking simple', A FUCKING APOSTROPHE
Need a trick? Fine - when using it's or you're, expand the contraction. If "you're head is full of shit" becomes "you are head is full of shit" and doesn't make any sense (maybe it will to you because you're a fucking idiot), then you are using the wrong word. Queef.
to - a preposition, as in "turn to the right" or "it's time to go back to school", ONE FUCKING O
too - an adverb (know what that is?), synonymous with "also", "as well" as in "Really? I went to college too. I actually read a FUCKING BOOK." It can also be used to mean "to a regrettable degree" as in "It's too late for you, moron", TWO FUCKING O's
two - a number, it comes after one
there - an adverb, similar to here as in "your tiny bus is over there"
their - yet another possessive, similar to your as in "it's not their fault that you're a fucking retard. It's YOUR fault."
they're - a contraction of "they are" as in "they're not responsible for your complete ignorance of YOUR OWN FUCKING LANGUAGE. READ A BOOK!!"
IT'S NOT FUCKING HARD, DOUCHE BAGS.
But alas I cannot send my rant for fear of being rejected by the cool kids who wear the fancy clothes and hang out in a nice office building all day while grunts like me are down in the trenches where the dregs of society should be. What the fuck is wrong with this picture?!?!?!
DIE SCREAMING MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!